yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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