Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The feeling are messing with the penis
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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