Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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