the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
