broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
