so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
