I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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