Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
