do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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