if you like me you must not know who I am
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
