Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
