I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
