pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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