Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
