My friends, they love my intelligence
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
