I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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