I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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