I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
