Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
