Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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