i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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