dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
