This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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