if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
