Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
