Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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