He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
not ubering you a puppy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
