is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
