I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
