Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
