$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
