My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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