Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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