What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
