I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is wine microwaveable?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
