omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
