3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
