we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
