he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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