I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
