You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do vagina's smell?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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