dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
