She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
