I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
