when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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