I feel like abortions should bother me more
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
