I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
