Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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