I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize