Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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