This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
