He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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