if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
