Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
