if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MIDGETS
????
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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