i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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