I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
