so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
