Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
