Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
