why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
