How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize